No one has to know.
She smiles on the outside - a strong front, a front she's mastered for so many years, a front she sadly sees herself having to flash out in years to come. After all, history seems to always have a knack of repeating itself - in manifestations one way or another. "What am I?" she always wondered - a jack of all trades, master of none? Nah. There didn't seem to be a word invented for herself. In all vastness of the English language, how could that even be plausible. perhaps, her grasp of her vocabulary fails her once again. Try another language, perhaps?
Oh her mind was in a whirl.
"hey this isn't something new' she thought, yet why does it feel so fresh like the very first time,if she could remember. Coldplay's 'when you try your best, but you don't succeed' plays like a broken record in her head. Oh how charming it is, to always have song to remind you of every other moment in life. she smiled, she acted like she didn't care, she brushed it off - the disappointments, the expectations, form herself, and others. It was tough living a double life, filled with unspoken and grief she ran away from. Sure, she has tried speaking about it to the few who actually cared, but she stopped; pulled back. away. out. Why would I want to share that burden with them, she thought. All this was merely her overreaction and failing to see the bigger scheme of things. For time would sweep all this away into a fading memory and feeling and all these would just feel so small and insignificant somewhere down this winding road. she'll just have to wait it out, she concurred.
"oh get over it'
she reproached herself, others have better things to mind over. Oh how was this killing her, was everyone else the same? did they think, breathe, feel the same way she did? She was always more than willing to be open to someone else, but never opening herself up. A shell, perhaps. Sure, she felt strong enough to handle this. After all, what's new. It never was the first time she failed to meet expectations - its foundations set by her unconscious efforts 'of not even trying hard' yet doing well at the start, only to fall short of the lofty expectations she inevitably created, for herself, in her own head.
It was all in her head.
It had to be.
It always was.
She never learnt. Ah the irony of it all, she thought, getting what she never set out to get, but never getting what she wanted on the converse. A curse, it must be. Everything added up, magically, coincidentally. An accurate concurrence? Or simply working towards that all-encompassing theory that probably defined the milestones she trampled on thus far. Alas, time will pass, the emotions, merely chemical concoctions in her mind would fade. Smile she thought, no one could take that away from you. They say it's what's inside that counts, but yet in her twisted sense it's the outside that's counted upon.
No one has to know.
She smiles on the outside - a strong front, a front she's mastered for so many years, a front she sadly sees herself having to flash out in years to come. After all, history seems to always have a knack of repeating itself - in manifestations one way or another. "What am I?" she always wondered - a jack of all trades, master of none? Nah. There didn't seem to be a word invented for herself. In all vastness of the English language, how could that even be plausible. perhaps, her grasp of her vocabulary fails her once again. Try another language, perhaps?
Oh her mind was in a whirl.
"hey this isn't something new' she thought, yet why does it feel so fresh like the very first time,if she could remember. Coldplay's 'when you try your best, but you don't succeed' plays like a broken record in her head. Oh how charming it is, to always have song to remind you of every other moment in life. she smiled, she acted like she didn't care, she brushed it off - the disappointments, the expectations, form herself, and others. It was tough living a double life, filled with unspoken and grief she ran away from. Sure, she has tried speaking about it to the few who actually cared, but she stopped; pulled back. away. out. Why would I want to share that burden with them, she thought. All this was merely her overreaction and failing to see the bigger scheme of things. For time would sweep all this away into a fading memory and feeling and all these would just feel so small and insignificant somewhere down this winding road. she'll just have to wait it out, she concurred.
"oh get over it'
she reproached herself, others have better things to mind over. Oh how was this killing her, was everyone else the same? did they think, breathe, feel the same way she did? She was always more than willing to be open to someone else, but never opening herself up. A shell, perhaps. Sure, she felt strong enough to handle this. After all, what's new. It never was the first time she failed to meet expectations - its foundations set by her unconscious efforts 'of not even trying hard' yet doing well at the start, only to fall short of the lofty expectations she inevitably created, for herself, in her own head.
It was all in her head.
It had to be.
It always was.
She never learnt. Ah the irony of it all, she thought, getting what she never set out to get, but never getting what she wanted on the converse. A curse, it must be. Everything added up, magically, coincidentally. An accurate concurrence? Or simply working towards that all-encompassing theory that probably defined the milestones she trampled on thus far. Alas, time will pass, the emotions, merely chemical concoctions in her mind would fade. Smile she thought, no one could take that away from you. They say it's what's inside that counts, but yet in her twisted sense it's the outside that's counted upon.
No one has to know.
While the world spins and whirls wildly around everyone else, I find myself strangely sheltered and oblivious from everything else.
Well of course all this is nothing but 'at the moment'.
Better embrace it while it still burns brightly in this cold dark place.
Well of course all this is nothing but 'at the moment'.
Better embrace it while it still burns brightly in this cold dark place.
Paper Heart
Julie & Julia
Taking Woodstock
Funny People
The Time Traveler's Wife
I love You, Man
The Ugly Truth
Whatever Works
Benjamin Button
The Matrix Trilogy
LOTR Trilogy
District 9
V
Lost Season 5
House Season 5
and the list keeps growing whilst only the first line remains comfortably crossed out
"...Consider the possibility that man is to God as a dog is to man, and a dog is to man as a flea is to a dog; i.e., the man, the dog, and the flea, who are merely tagging along for the ride, have neither the faintest idea as to why their masters do what they do nor the means to ever understand why.
The question then becomes: Is God indifferent to us, as the dog is to the flea, or does He allow us to suffer for reasons we do not understand? When someone takes his dog to the veterinarian, the dog has no idea why his master allows pain to be inflicted on him. In the same way, perhaps, God doesn't always give us what we want, but He knows what we need."
Robert Ringer
I would like to remember tonight, as one of those days that seemed to have been perfect. Well, almost since nothing can and shall never be. But yes, the spate of more than a few hours, of unbridled joy and laughter. Pre-ambled by serious dinner discussions on the inexplicable transgressions of a certain team of individuals. Thereby coaxed into, and developed by drips and drops of coloured liquids. Coupled with flash-less photography and an insatiable hunger for food, and more significantly, cartharsis. Smile. In all that sincerity behind those smiles, temporal bliss. Perhaps, an insight into the allure of vice and what not. A release, was all we needed. In clean good innocence of course. Thank You, I'd say.
What lies ahead, most of us just shudder to take in the immensity of the next 2 weeks.
'fighting for survival' as they always say in their baseless derogatory undertones
Oh well. We'll see you all on the other side.
What lies ahead, most of us just shudder to take in the immensity of the next 2 weeks.
'fighting for survival' as they always say in their baseless derogatory undertones
Oh well. We'll see you all on the other side.
And I'm wishing, MUSE PLEASE COME TO SINGAPORE, again.
Hello.
And amongst the million different things whizzing around my life at the moment, I am really thankful for my Mum and Dad.
A photograph, merely a brief fabric of time captured on a piece of film, or more aptly today the pixels that form a screen.
One might say they capture the living breath and vividness of the moment, forever preserved in timelessness as the shutter clicks upon the minute depression of the finger. carefully, definitely not wanting to cause a shake that would blur the picture - hence losing that moment in time forever. we take pictures to defy time, like a pause in a video, or maybe even a rewind and replay. an extension of how we want to hold on and never let go. Pictures would provide that fleeting respite. I digress. Pictures lie because I don't think it'll ever capture the enormity of a situation, the welling of unspoken emotions, or the brevity of a sunrise against the backdrop of buildings. all there is,a glimpse, the shine of something that's caught the eye. But perhaps, that would be all we need to take us back to the moment. But then again, skewed, inaccurate, tailored to how we ourselves chose to remember that moment it'll be. A pose for the camera. A forced smile. An arm around a shoulder. I shudder at questioning the legitimacy of many things. Moments, all there is, captured or not, fading into the backdrop of life hurling us forward, versus Inertia; opposing forces in the direction against change. I don't know about you. i take comfort in unchangelessness, but yet again comfort begets weariness. everything's just a massive paradoxical pie. life would never be a picture, sealed in timelessness - be it the warm smiles of friendship, the carthasis of triumph, tears of parting and what not.
The only constant is change. And pictures will always be there to remind what was, and what was left behind. Note the past tense.
and of unspoken things, if only a picture would give me a thousand words to express it.
Because nothing waits for nobody.
I need to start moving, too.
One might say they capture the living breath and vividness of the moment, forever preserved in timelessness as the shutter clicks upon the minute depression of the finger. carefully, definitely not wanting to cause a shake that would blur the picture - hence losing that moment in time forever. we take pictures to defy time, like a pause in a video, or maybe even a rewind and replay. an extension of how we want to hold on and never let go. Pictures would provide that fleeting respite. I digress. Pictures lie because I don't think it'll ever capture the enormity of a situation, the welling of unspoken emotions, or the brevity of a sunrise against the backdrop of buildings. all there is,a glimpse, the shine of something that's caught the eye. But perhaps, that would be all we need to take us back to the moment. But then again, skewed, inaccurate, tailored to how we ourselves chose to remember that moment it'll be. A pose for the camera. A forced smile. An arm around a shoulder. I shudder at questioning the legitimacy of many things. Moments, all there is, captured or not, fading into the backdrop of life hurling us forward, versus Inertia; opposing forces in the direction against change. I don't know about you. i take comfort in unchangelessness, but yet again comfort begets weariness. everything's just a massive paradoxical pie. life would never be a picture, sealed in timelessness - be it the warm smiles of friendship, the carthasis of triumph, tears of parting and what not.
The only constant is change. And pictures will always be there to remind what was, and what was left behind. Note the past tense.
and of unspoken things, if only a picture would give me a thousand words to express it.
Because nothing waits for nobody.
I need to start moving, too.
I have came out screaming and crying into this world through a C-section
.
.
I have been a fat adorable baby, a tiny tyrant, and a scrawny little child.
.
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I have been a hardcore computer gamer
.
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I have been a fat adorable baby, a tiny tyrant, and a scrawny little child.
.
.
I have been a hardcore computer gamer
.
.
I have studied into the wee hours of the morning, loved and hated school,sucked at hockey, went for a million unnecessary tuition classes, took up fencing for fun, lost and found friends, and went through 12 years of edukation
.
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I have fell in love with music, and the guitar.
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I have fell in love with music, and the guitar.
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I have been alive for 18 years and counting.
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I have fired a machine gun and threw hand grenades, marched 16km with little less than 3 hours of sleep the past 2 days, dug a trench as deep as my height, powder bathed under the moonlight, slept under the beautiful stars, and got lost in the jungles of Singapore in pitch darkness.
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I have laid in the middle of the road outside Raffles Instituition JC, sat on the freshly paved floor of a newly completed circle line station where Chanel was drawn on my face, and waited for water to boil at a petrol station to cook my instant noodles at four am
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I have yet to learn to drive.
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I have yet to go to college.
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I have yet to get a job.
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I have yet to travel the world.
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I have yet to start a family.
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Would i say, I have lived, I have loved, and I have learnt.
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I have yet to learn to drive.
.
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I have yet to go to college.
.
.
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.
I have yet to get a job.
.
.
.
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.
I have yet to travel the world.
.
.
.
.
.
I have yet to start a family.
.
.
.
.
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.
Would i say, I have lived, I have loved, and I have learnt.
I would very much love to drive, to blast the stereo,to make turns at my whims and fancy, to simply get lost on the road at 1am in the morning.
Ahh the taste of freedom.
Ahh the taste of freedom.
I would dare say there's more to it
a sense of trepidation,
of quiet confidence.
a step into the unknown,
all the time.
so tell me,
where are we going?
i could only hope
of quiet confidence.
a step into the unknown,
all the time.
so tell me,
where are we going?
i could only hope
would kill to have more time
yea i thought so
With thee i bid farewell, in 3 weeks, a field camp, a million turn-outs and a few billion push ups later we shall meet again haha, hopefully i will pray
I have always liked packing my things and arranging the millions of items strewn across my table into neat piles that's on one hand pleasing to the eye but also an extremely worrying cause for ocd concern . But then again, there's a clear distinction between liking something and actually getting down to doing that something. I for one, do not have the luxury to do that, because
a) I'm barely home to mess up the table, save for these 2 weeks of block leave
b) And if its during these 2 weeks, I have better things to do than packing something that would become messed up again 10 minutes later. -nerdy interjection: entropy is everything!-. And i have my wonderfully awesome maid to pamper this spoil brat anyway.
But anyways the point is, i won't do it just because i like it.
or is this just a very bitter act of righteous indignation on my part
On a lighter note and something that actually makes sense, I was really glad I brought dillon out on friday. Just a whole day of much needed and delayed brudder bonding. It was funny how i finally got down to packing my things when i found 2 prepaid borders giftcards, (probably given to us by one of my dad's friends) shoved acrimoniously in between a pile of papers. "oooh probably 10 bucks per giftcard! i can go get me some magazines!" and the exciting thing about these prepaid giftcards is that, you don't know the value inside these cards. So me and dillon popped over to borders and i went to check the cards' value at the counter:
"oh its fifty dollars inside each card"
"huh, fifteen dollars?"
"no, FIFTY dollars"
a very nonchalant "thank you" later...
first thought - holy shit im rich hahaha thank you whoever gave this to us so yes, a book spree ensued. A first of its kind, since the spree that we're normally excited about are computer games, clothing and eating sprees, not books. I concur i'm growing old, perhaps hopefully feasibly conceivably possibly credibly wiser.
ah the joys of being pleasantly and unexpectedly surprised, never gets old.
would it be too much to ask for more?
but hey thats already expecting. how do you expect to be unexpectedly surprised?
a) I'm barely home to mess up the table, save for these 2 weeks of block leave
b) And if its during these 2 weeks, I have better things to do than packing something that would become messed up again 10 minutes later. -nerdy interjection: entropy is everything!-. And i have my wonderfully awesome maid to pamper this spoil brat anyway.
But anyways the point is, i won't do it just because i like it.
or is this just a very bitter act of righteous indignation on my part
On a lighter note and something that actually makes sense, I was really glad I brought dillon out on friday. Just a whole day of much needed and delayed brudder bonding. It was funny how i finally got down to packing my things when i found 2 prepaid borders giftcards, (probably given to us by one of my dad's friends) shoved acrimoniously in between a pile of papers. "oooh probably 10 bucks per giftcard! i can go get me some magazines!" and the exciting thing about these prepaid giftcards is that, you don't know the value inside these cards. So me and dillon popped over to borders and i went to check the cards' value at the counter:
"oh its fifty dollars inside each card"
"huh, fifteen dollars?"
"no, FIFTY dollars"
a very nonchalant "thank you" later...
first thought - holy shit im rich hahaha thank you whoever gave this to us so yes, a book spree ensued. A first of its kind, since the spree that we're normally excited about are computer games, clothing and eating sprees, not books. I concur i'm growing old, perhaps hopefully feasibly conceivably possibly credibly wiser.
ah the joys of being pleasantly and unexpectedly surprised, never gets old.
would it be too much to ask for more?
but hey thats already expecting. how do you expect to be unexpectedly surprised?
My goodness this journal is beginning to resemble a twitter with each post as such i will attempt to blog normally by none other than listing. My 11 days of blissful freedom. Yea right.
So lets see, that gateway to haven that we now call Singapore all began last tuesday as we cruised our way out of the doors of BMT with our hellish 24km route march and pass out parade POP LOHHHH that left me the most exhausted i have ever been. That eventful day ended with a massive Carl's Junior drive-in dinner before i crashing into bed and sleeping 14 hours the next day.
Wednesday. sadly enough my memory fails me and all i remembered was eating shit loads for breakfast, catching up with pops and moms, eating shit loads for lunch, playing my beloved guitar, eating shit loads for dinner and all that usual web surfing in between till the wee hours despite having to wake up so early for...
Thursday which was the awesomeness of back to seeing thedicks brudders that i've seen every day for 9 weeks. "why do you still want to meet up with your tekong mates even though you see them everyday and not get sick of each other' well the shit, and i mean shit we go through with each other has that queer effect aye. So it was cage at kallang in the morning - surprisingly DAMN ENJOYABLE since i have always been a social outcaste and never enjoyed football..till then. "li jian li jian li jian li jian li jian li jian li jian li jian" and the quitessential grabbing and pulling of each other's body parts and clothes. oh and i sprained my neck from all that rolling round the astro turf that left me having to turn my entire body just to look to my left and right. I did the robot without even trying. then it was a fast march and slow march partay to lunch at budget budget japanese lunch with our private paychecks, then the computer fair where i got my spanking new studio headphones to accompany my guitar.
then alas holding true to platoon-1 section-1 tradition, we arrived at the platoon section fashionably late carrying not only last minute purchased cheapo drinks/food but a wide array of IT stuff hahaha. and holding true to section 1 tradition weostracized excused ourselves from the BBQ midway for a session with charles. Free ice cream and dragonballz which was really..balls to the movie nothing can describe the sheer intensity of its failure as a movie. then it was a rather uneventful yet saddening goodbye to everybody as i got into a cab. 9 weeks and a simple wave, what more could there be. during the ride back the realisation struck me that i would probably never ever see my platoon mates ever again of which i have never properly held a proper conversation with some of them more than once, yes the finality of it all before i settled for the fact that there're only so many people you can hold in your life. you've only got this much space for so many people yea. people come and go, fade in and out at the whims and fancies of providence and circumstances, how many would actually stay you always ask yourself.
then friday morning came. the day of reckoning. the day that was the first blemish of my 11 days because of a certain interview with a reputable yadda yadday organization haha. so it was 4 hours of non stop email replying, roleplaying and counselling the recalcitrant gerry whom is always late for work and that 15 minutes of i-dare-say-hell impromptu speech on the life lessons i had learnt oh my goodness. Why couldn't they ask me to explain how hello kitty would eat if it doesn't have a mouth?! at least i had a fellow buddy with me to plow through the bullshit for the day haha. thereafter..homies-meetup in none other than town. choosing NYDC over a buffet, and put 6 army doods in the same table and tadah you get nothing but talk about army, army, who-went-to-what-uni, army, what-scholarship-u-applying-arh?, army and yea army. not that im complaining but it just highlights the immensely disheartening fact that our life's nothing but ARMY, and yea the occasional scholarship/uni/omgmyfutureisuncertain rant haha.
then after so much talking and 2 free sundaes later, the army boyz shag-cannot-think-already so all go home oh man. thank goodness for outgoing supperfriend googling for places to eat, now thats good use of technology. S gardens, the upcoming holland V. not a shabby place with chompchomp and ice^3 which are nice budget places, fit for the not-really-economically-independent. after which it coming home at two resulted in the usual annoyance from higher authority le-sigh its not as if im out clubbing and drinking or stupid stuff rarh woo angsty manxz.
satuday. shite i have no recollection of saturday. if i'm not wrong it was a day spent entirely on $&*#(@&$(@& scholarship applications, or rather on the essays which were the bane of my existence at that point. at a whopping rate of probabaly 100 words per hour i eventually crawled out of my study room barely alive. Oh yes saturday was glowstick's much awaited birthday partay haha! was supposed to join slutface in his make-the-money-well-spent-escapedes in the executive lounges and what not. the party was nice, expressed sincerely in my severe lack of vocabulary. 'you quiet today, is it cause of the whole army thing? - holy shit i don't know haha' me ish not a party person anyways but it got more fun as the clock ticked into the early early morning. sporting ang moh dude & hyper brother & prankcalls & bathrobe partay & silence of the lambs & watching penguins eaten by leopard seals & spize & end of the world talk & 5peopleinamiserablebed & i cant remember cause we didnt sleep & i hypocritically hate listing and narration & 4+1 people on a massive bed. haha funny stuff. 'we should book a hotel room every now and then and just do this' sounds just fine until you think - so who pays? mehh. thank God for no guard duty this weekend.
sunday came and went like the wind.
monday was liberating because clicking 'preview and submit drafts' on brightsparks was akin to unchaining 600tons of shit shackled to my legs halfway in my attempt to scale the meritocratic corporate and social ladder hurhur. so yea, mas firefly psc all done with a click of the mouse. boy did it feel good. then it was caveman outing in none other than...town! no surprise there. Marley & Me was cute, made me fondly recall the times when we still had our west highland terrier lotus. oh it was jap dinner before that, and acting all touristy and curious outside giraffe. "Of more camwhoring, flabs vs muscles, rich vs poor & failed self-timers." I DO NOT LIKE MY INFAMY NO THANKS V MUCH haha. good caveman had to go home early despite the decadent lifestyle it was trying to lead, yea right! so much for going back early but sleeping late and oversleeping for tuition haha. went to pass imperialgirl (haha) her V V V cool book in pretty wrapping paper, chilled around people watching (or lack thereof) before cabbing home with my nuggets, ALONE.
today is here we are, today is where this thing will end. woke up after-noon with a jolt with a heads up from ben about an impending phone interview and 5 minutes later 'Hi i'm calling from XXX i would like to ask you some questions now' holy shit haha which ended up with a very very disturbing 15 minute psychometric IQ test that left me in a vegetative state. "i haven't used my brain this much this year, till today" but thank goodness the test didn't go to waste. popped by NEC then after feeling slightly more alive for a "surplise!!!" haha hello like just after 15 hours. bummed around as usual with a very trigger happy finger and a hyperactive ultraman and whatnot. witnessed someone getting abandoned by her mum in a scary hospital hahaha which ended off with an mrt to clarke quay. failed trying to find supposedly outofthisworld cupcakes. ended up watching old peeps doing exercises. good stuffz chilling at subway with lemonteasprite. class gathering after that, felt bittersweet in its entirety. to say the least, am glad i've been on a come-home early streak. pops and moms would be un-annoyed.
OH MAN THAT WAS LONG AND GAY. HAHA. although i hate narrating, I want to remember, and this is how i would. better now before all these just fades into a warbled mess of disjointed visions and recollections that i pluck out every now and then in virulent nostalgia.
But in all its entirety and satisfaction that i had did alot during these few days of freedom, it kills me inside and leaves me feeling all empty knowing that the 3 people i hold most dear in my life, sure deserved so much more of my time than i had given. lost opportunities, sadly define my life.
I want to remember.
or do i not want to.
So lets see, that gateway to haven that we now call Singapore all began last tuesday as we cruised our way out of the doors of BMT with our hellish 24km route march and pass out parade POP LOHHHH that left me the most exhausted i have ever been. That eventful day ended with a massive Carl's Junior drive-in dinner before i crashing into bed and sleeping 14 hours the next day.
Wednesday. sadly enough my memory fails me and all i remembered was eating shit loads for breakfast, catching up with pops and moms, eating shit loads for lunch, playing my beloved guitar, eating shit loads for dinner and all that usual web surfing in between till the wee hours despite having to wake up so early for...
Thursday which was the awesomeness of back to seeing the
then alas holding true to platoon-1 section-1 tradition, we arrived at the platoon section fashionably late carrying not only last minute purchased cheapo drinks/food but a wide array of IT stuff hahaha. and holding true to section 1 tradition we
then friday morning came. the day of reckoning. the day that was the first blemish of my 11 days because of a certain interview with a reputable yadda yadday organization haha. so it was 4 hours of non stop email replying, roleplaying and counselling the recalcitrant gerry whom is always late for work and that 15 minutes of i-dare-say-hell impromptu speech on the life lessons i had learnt oh my goodness. Why couldn't they ask me to explain how hello kitty would eat if it doesn't have a mouth?! at least i had a fellow buddy with me to plow through the bullshit for the day haha. thereafter..homies-meetup in none other than town. choosing NYDC over a buffet, and put 6 army doods in the same table and tadah you get nothing but talk about army, army, who-went-to-what-uni, army, what-scholarship-u-applying-arh?, army and yea army. not that im complaining but it just highlights the immensely disheartening fact that our life's nothing but ARMY, and yea the occasional scholarship/uni/omgmyfutureisuncertain rant haha.
then after so much talking and 2 free sundaes later, the army boyz shag-cannot-think-already so all go home oh man. thank goodness for outgoing supperfriend googling for places to eat, now thats good use of technology. S gardens, the upcoming holland V. not a shabby place with chompchomp and ice^3 which are nice budget places, fit for the not-really-economically-independent. after which it coming home at two resulted in the usual annoyance from higher authority le-sigh its not as if im out clubbing and drinking or stupid stuff rarh woo angsty manxz.
satuday. shite i have no recollection of saturday. if i'm not wrong it was a day spent entirely on $&*#(@&$(@& scholarship applications, or rather on the essays which were the bane of my existence at that point. at a whopping rate of probabaly 100 words per hour i eventually crawled out of my study room barely alive. Oh yes saturday was glowstick's much awaited birthday partay haha! was supposed to join slutface in his make-the-money-well-spent-escapedes in the executive lounges and what not. the party was nice, expressed sincerely in my severe lack of vocabulary. 'you quiet today, is it cause of the whole army thing? - holy shit i don't know haha' me ish not a party person anyways but it got more fun as the clock ticked into the early early morning. sporting ang moh dude & hyper brother & prankcalls & bathrobe partay & silence of the lambs & watching penguins eaten by leopard seals & spize & end of the world talk & 5peopleinamiserablebed & i cant remember cause we didnt sleep & i hypocritically hate listing and narration & 4+1 people on a massive bed. haha funny stuff. 'we should book a hotel room every now and then and just do this' sounds just fine until you think - so who pays? mehh. thank God for no guard duty this weekend.
sunday came and went like the wind.
monday was liberating because clicking 'preview and submit drafts' on brightsparks was akin to unchaining 600tons of shit shackled to my legs halfway in my attempt to scale the meritocratic corporate and social ladder hurhur. so yea, mas firefly psc all done with a click of the mouse. boy did it feel good. then it was caveman outing in none other than...town! no surprise there. Marley & Me was cute, made me fondly recall the times when we still had our west highland terrier lotus. oh it was jap dinner before that, and acting all touristy and curious outside giraffe. "Of more camwhoring, flabs vs muscles, rich vs poor & failed self-timers." I DO NOT LIKE MY INFAMY NO THANKS V MUCH haha. good caveman had to go home early despite the decadent lifestyle it was trying to lead, yea right! so much for going back early but sleeping late and oversleeping for tuition haha. went to pass imperialgirl (haha) her V V V cool book in pretty wrapping paper, chilled around people watching (or lack thereof) before cabbing home with my nuggets, ALONE.
today is here we are, today is where this thing will end. woke up after-noon with a jolt with a heads up from ben about an impending phone interview and 5 minutes later 'Hi i'm calling from XXX i would like to ask you some questions now' holy shit haha which ended up with a very very disturbing 15 minute psychometric IQ test that left me in a vegetative state. "i haven't used my brain this much this year, till today" but thank goodness the test didn't go to waste. popped by NEC then after feeling slightly more alive for a "surplise!!!" haha hello like just after 15 hours. bummed around as usual with a very trigger happy finger and a hyperactive ultraman and whatnot. witnessed someone getting abandoned by her mum in a scary hospital hahaha which ended off with an mrt to clarke quay. failed trying to find supposedly outofthisworld cupcakes. ended up watching old peeps doing exercises. good stuffz chilling at subway with lemonteasprite. class gathering after that, felt bittersweet in its entirety. to say the least, am glad i've been on a come-home early streak. pops and moms would be un-annoyed.
OH MAN THAT WAS LONG AND GAY. HAHA. although i hate narrating, I want to remember, and this is how i would. better now before all these just fades into a warbled mess of disjointed visions and recollections that i pluck out every now and then in virulent nostalgia.
But in all its entirety and satisfaction that i had did alot during these few days of freedom, it kills me inside and leaves me feeling all empty knowing that the 3 people i hold most dear in my life, sure deserved so much more of my time than i had given. lost opportunities, sadly define my life.
I want to remember.
or do i not want to.
oh well, tis alright, tis alright.
its times like these that i tell myself i could live without it,
and boy i could just stay at home all day and be content
after all,
there're only so many attachments you've got space for
and boy i could just stay at home all day and be content
after all,
there're only so many attachments you've got space for
...had a shitty sai-gang weekend...
- Mood:
needs-to-bcct-someone
( i normally detest army sing-alongs )
Sadly, this thing here is as alive as a brown leaf on the sidewalk, dried up to a crispy brown by the blazing January sun. I guess i'm weird that way but i cannot resist stepping on any crunchy brown leaf i see, sometimes at the expense of walking like a normal human being. Haha okay wtf was that about.
So anyways, army. Yes my life has been nothing but army thus far, along with the sacred weekends where i attempt to lead a normal civillian life. In a very-honest-dont-worry-i-have-not-been-b
Alright as it is, I would very much like to write, but then again i'll never be able to coherently pen down my thoughts and experiences whirling in my degenerate mind, exposed to many many things only a group of hot-blooded pumped-up fine young men can talk about, as well as the marvellous dialect of Hokkein haha, not that i'm complaining or anything you know. So much for planning to study SATs during army.
That being said my future is so uncertain, it scares me just thinking about my future during the shitloads of time I spend rushing-to-wait & waiting-to-rush on paradise island ala tekong. But at least, the amount we spend waiting around in army, you have so much time for your mind to think and mind wander off,
wandering off,
to the past
to what could have been,
to what i've seen
to them, those, us, you
to the incessant fears
to what should not have been,
to the present
to those i hold dear
and to what will be
to infinity
hey! it rhymes!
haha melancholic moment ruined there.
it was more-than-nice catching up with everyone. Maybe its because the lack of time makes it all the more so.
and unrealistic and selfish as it is, I would very much want more of this, of that, of them, of you.
haha.
and unrealistic and selfish as it is, I would very much want more of this, of that, of them, of you.
haha.
- Mood:
melancholy - Music:falling away with you - muse
Dear Diary,
this will be the last time i would be typing something here for the next 2 weeks (not that it hasn't happened before) unless by some miracle i am granted internet access in the sunny island resort i would be checking into, with palm trees and white sandy beaches. Cynicism aside, today is perhaps the day that everyone goes their seperate ways; never prolly again at the same time and place will you see the people whom you have not spoken to but only know them by their faces for me at least. But yes today would have been an academically defining moment for many, for me! 1point below my expectations was rather disappointing sigh but many points above expectations for others was exciting to see oh well nonetheless zomg-results-day-i-cant-slp immediately felt so distant with the onset of zomg-im-enlisting-tomorrow-i-dont-want-t
XOXO
REC G C YEO (hahaha oh man)
this will be the last time i would be typing something here for the next 2 weeks (not that it hasn't happened before) unless by some miracle i am granted internet access in the sunny island resort i would be checking into, with palm trees and white sandy beaches. Cynicism aside, today is perhaps the day that everyone goes their seperate ways; never prolly again at the same time and place will you see the people whom you have not spoken to but only know them by their faces for me at least. But yes today would have been an academically defining moment for many, for me! 1point below my expectations was rather disappointing sigh but many points above expectations for others was exciting to see oh well nonetheless zomg-results-day-i-cant-slp immediately felt so distant with the onset of zomg-im-enlisting-tomorrow-i-dont-want-t
REC G C YEO (hahaha oh man)
GOODNIGHT.
This thing is pretty much dead as someone had earlier reminded me. Well it will continue to stay dormant in hibernation for the next 2 weeks or so anyways since i would be very happily giving up my freedom, and gorgeous flowing long messy hair for the sake of defending my nation yes praise me for my patriotism. I have been annoyed with many many things which i do not see fit to be written here; and no i will never show it; probably stowed away in one of the deep recesses of my mind because i will be moving on with my life, only keeping whatever i hold dear with me. Anyways, I have actually been at home most of the latter of this very eventful and memorable holiday. Holed up in my cave watching recorded HBO movies and 小娘惹! Well results would be out in around 10 hours. Truthfully i thought i would be pretty chill and worry free for my results, but on a fateful night bus ride home where the music from your iPod hums in your ear and your mind begins to wonder, and suddenly you feel conscious of your heart beat, ever so slowly but surely increasing in pace, increasing in intensity till it thunders into a torrent of resonating explosions in your chest. thud thud thud it went, thud thud thud it shall till later it shall. But after everything, I would like to tell myself that though it might seem so big to me at the moment, sometime in the near future if i'm still around it would all seem but a fleeting memory of something that happened, something i would only be able to mechanically recount how i felt, but not feel what i'm feeling now. Well thats how we all work ain't it. everything peaks and fades into a fizzy blur. If i'm 18 and already struggling to try to remember my experiences, what about being 40 years old? 50, 60, 80? If i ever lived long enough. Growing old...thats hard.
HAHA oh deary me that was an awfully downtrodden rant. Optimism is the new black. this should help hahaha
HAHA oh deary me that was an awfully downtrodden rant. Optimism is the new black. this should help hahaha
sigh LJ likes to resize and distort my pictures
now i will scour downstairs for some edible food.
no expectations! yea right
now i will scour downstairs for some edible food.
no expectations! yea right
today i learnt how to make a gif
This year has been a very memorable
r LL R C a T r i E
o E O S E r D
I remember trying to write some cheemology its-the-end-of-the-year-post about 365 days ago along with a slew of new year resolutions that i did not write haha. but this time round it shall be simple, but yea..strive for what you want, cherish what you have, and just seize the moment? 'AM ENJOYING THE CHEESE
but anyway
So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own mhmm
r LL R C a T r i E
o E O S E r D
I remember trying to write some cheemology its-the-end-of-the-year-post about 365 days ago along with a slew of new year resolutions that i did not write haha. but this time round it shall be simple, but yea..strive for what you want, cherish what you have, and just seize the moment? 'AM ENJOYING THE CHEESE
but anyway
So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own mhmm
the pity in their eyes
the sadness behind her smile
and the smile we all still try to give
nevertheless
the sadness behind her smile
and the smile we all still try to give
nevertheless
Turning point.
Although I admit that i was pretty bummed about my family not wanting to travel overseas this year end for various reasons, I must say today really felt like a holiday minus the I-LIKE-THE-WEATHER-WHY-CANT-SINGAPORE-BE-L
( bla..narration..bla )
But yea, happy family days like this would be rare to come by in the near future, and will be cherished ahhh.
I could write more but i have a 4D3N camp tomorrow, to pack for still which would be my little get-away from home.
( bla..narration..bla )
But yea, happy family days like this would be rare to come by in the near future, and will be cherished ahhh.
I could write more but i have a 4D3N camp tomorrow, to pack for still which would be my little get-away from home.
With my on-going attempts to keep this thing alive I shall continue to write on this thing and make something out of nothing? Well to say the least this time of the year in Singapore (probably only at night with a nice cool constant breeze) is the closest we can get to a winter's day and i must say i like it. Walking back home with the light drizzle only visible under the street lights was very surreal, minus the fact that the hypochondriac in me had to deal with the fear of a getting a fever/cold/flu walking in the rain hah. Oh woe this is no way a man is to survive tekong.
there are somethings money can't buy, but for everything else there's NETs
lol
there are somethings money can't buy, but for everything else there's NETs
lol
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